![]() ![]() Why did she not do this from the start, who knows. So final battle - the villain easily defeats everyone, until Deus Ex Green Tentacles appear and tie her up, because apparently the older Elf Princess can easily do that with the green crystal. But of course, despite her father's warning that she could die, she uses the green crystal to revive McHeroboy easily because true love conquers all. ![]() Unfortunately for him, she did not return the favor and shot him point blank in the chest. Then shenanigans happen and our hero is taken over totally by evil, yet he retains enough self restraint to break his arrow before shooting Loli Elf Princess. Barbarian dude saves the king/father/whoever and a few survivors on his ship, while McHeroguy easily finds the (older) Princess but is somehow blackmailed into getting the crystal for Ms Darkelf instead. All the while, the snotty elves (see also LOTR/the Hobbit) insist they are better at this, and as expected, fail terribly, getting murdered by the hundred, because they somehow expected arrows, no matter how magical, to be effective against non-corporeal undead. McHeroboy, Eyebrows the Dwarf, Generic Barbarian and Loli Elf Princess then form a Fellowship of the Something (see LOTR) to save the princess. ![]() Get ready for many, many pointless scenes of Ms Darkelf torturing her sister for the location of the crystal, deciding to kill her, then not doing it, then letting her escape easily and then recapturing her, and generally doing everything WRONG in the Evil Overlord list in not letting your captives escape easily. so she kidnaps her on a flying rock ship. So Ms Darkelf McHips is apparently after a green magic crystal that she expected her sister would have on her, but which was not there. This infects him with darkness that sometimes lets her control him. In the fight McHeroboy wounds Ms Darkelf with an arrow, who returns it with interest. Get ready for this - as if the heroes thought this was an anime, they never try to shoot the obviously attacking villain first, they stand and raise questions at her even while she is merrily blasting away at them with magic. Did I say stop? I mean, stand around and think hard while elves are massacred left and right. So our hero arrives to stop the attack on the wedding. Who is? Why does she hate her sister? What's the deal with a whole city of dead elves just a few kilometers away from the elf kingdom lying there unburied? Again, never explained. However, her evil dark elf sister (see D&D and myriad other sources) uses some magic dark crystal to summon the fallen spirits of dead elves to distrupt the ceremony. In the meantime, the mother (sister?) of the princess, who has ridiculously long giant elf ears (see Warcraft) is getting ready for a wedding. They are finally joined by a burly big barbarian on a steampunk flying ship (see Miyazaki movies) who barely contributes anything to the plot. They are also joined by two disgustingly cute fluffy sphere-shaped dog-creatures that sadly, are in the whole movie to be annoying (see Minions.) McHeroGuy is also capable of the Fus Ro Dah dragon-shout, we never learn how. He has a dwarf smith mentor who invented the steampunk hoverboard (see Treasure Planet), and his greatest personality trait are his giant eyebrows. They keep in contact via magically sent arrow-mail. The story could not be more convoluted if it tried - that is unless this is a sequel to a movie that never came out? We are told, in a drawn flashback of the heroics of Generic McHeroguy, who saved the (creepily underage-looking) elf princess from a dragon, and yet now travels back to a human city to be a blacksmith. In many ways, it is like a lot of Chinese knockoff toys and action figures - it looks, at first glance, like a quality product, but quickly falls apart under scrutiny. ![]() Also, it steals - blatantly - from other movies, games, books. This is such a generic fantasy movie, it hurts. from the 8-10 star reviews written in chinglish, you can guess who is up-voting this movie. ![]()
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